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So, I still exist...


If you want to contact me, I'm on multiple websites, rooms, blogs, social networks, etc.

Just email me: SourcingSarah@gmail.com

Thanks for taking a peek after all these years.

Too bad fate kept us from knowing each other better.

-Sarah Middleton


Oh my god

Wow, looking back at the past years there have been some serious ups and downs and happy and sad memories, but moreover WOW WAS I A TOTAL RETARD?! Anyway, I'm 28 now and I have a 2 year old son named Connor! :D

Is anyone who knows me even still ON LJ???

(Sarah CaffeineIntakeCritical Middleton on FB)

Dream Machine by Mark Farina

what are you thinking of
what are you doing
what do you think you can do
what you are
what you do
looking out at
ripples on the dance floor
what do you mean
is what you get
did you forget to know
what the end is
to begin
looking out
at ripples on the dance floor

dream machine
did you get
everything you asked for
dream machine
a charm on the dance floor

love's rage
broken page
electric lights
and glass bone nights
electric lines run
through your minds
distractions with radio contraptions
night glasses
pipe ashes
tick tock
hear the wind lick
the window
you're invited
grow wings
sprouting from the backbone

dream machine
mister jones
you don't know what you came for
dream machine
a charm on the dance floor

we are like those two
steaming in the rain
we are those two
holding each other's hands
with me
a charm on the dance floor

Jon dedicated this song to me,to "The fairylike innocence that somehow still exists within you."

-Sarah M.



Everyone will be HAPPY to hear THIS news from the normally deep inky blue sadness of Sarah's everyday shpiel:

Im moving into a HUGE warehouse style apartment with my OWN STUDIO,my OWN BEDROOM,and even my OWN DAMN BATHROOM!!!! I get all 3 for the price of,uh,HELLA CHEAP. Like $550 per month,no other bills paid. I am SO fucking excited. PLUS,the ONE guy who live in his own seperate bedroom down the hall is SUPER EPIC cool and plays in a rock band! He is like a MALE VERSION of ME. Is that not absolutely TERRIFYING??? I love it. My roomies at the old apartment are being SO awesome about everything,and making my exit a very pleasant one,and helping me move my stuff in and everything! :) After telling them the news tonight,we were all laughing and smiling and even hugging,for the first time in 3 weeks! I feel great. There's nothin' stoppin' me from making my MUSIC STUDIO now!!!!! AIEEEEEEEEEE!!!! Plus,and art studio. But,right now-MUSIC!!! I recently bought an Ibanez acoustic guitar and want to get a hardcore awesome recordable synth/keyboard next. THAT or maybe the laptop,first. After THAT,a CAR. And after THAT,the UNIVERSE!!!



Zak and Sara

I miss Jon. My Aries...to the Rainbow Fractal.

I'm in Washington,still working at Denny's with my little family of coworkers who care,and my boss who adores me (one out of three aint bad). Im living out of my friend's house and motel rooms beginning today. I have the flu. I'm not eating anough. I have a new relationship with a couple who seems to like me a lot. My last dose of Prozac was today. Im going to "self-medicate" from now on,I think. I don't know. The holidays are lame. I don't even have plans for Halloween. I had plans for Halloween in Seattle with Jon...but no more. I talk about Jon compulsively. I read a Stephen King book made last year called Lisey's Story. It was helpful. A widow delves seamlessly into the trauma and bloody past of her child-form husband,and conquers a murderer. Interesting. I am the bee and I feel nothing. My affair with bossman continues. SLACKER.

I feel all over the place. Nothing....and everything.

"Everything is changing and I still feel the same."

-Sarah M.

I've moved 2 Seattle.

So...Im in Seattle now.


-Sarah M.
I have a very powerful subconscious.
It allows me to psuedo-LIVE,in an eggshell state-all the while pretending (almost even convincing MYSELF) that everything is truly OKAY,when indeed,it isn't.

I am learning that when something bad happens,you can't always face it right away.In fact,I spun myself so far into circles,with overworking myself,ignoring what I need to pay attention to (my recent trauma),being sick and dehydrating myself,I managed to find myself in the E.R. last week.

I MUST pay attention to the book of hurt,lying on the table in front of me,and address it.Not only that,but read that fucking thing front to back,and make sure that I have it all "downloaded",and beging to face it all,in an honest way...If I don't DO this,I'm going to expire-literally. I know it's true. I can't deny it.

Much as I would love to more than anything to continue trying to fool myself,yet,I can't afford to be ignorant of my recent events...What happens to your sanity when something like this happens to you?

I'm scared.Lonely.Very alone.Lonely.Sickly.Brave.Dying.Happy.Miserable.Out of control.Heartsick.Denial.Imaginary death.Losing me.Losing people around me because of the way I'm reacting to this event.Wanting nothing more than to run away,far far away and fast,until I can't recall anything anymore.My only happy moments are when I'm with Dale...When Ruth has me laughing so hard I can't breathe...When my boss sees me coming in late to work for like the bamillionth time,and he glares,but still welcomes me with a joke and a smile...When music has reached it's greatest moment (many) and erupts in my ears,leaking down into my soul,and I can FEEL SOMETHING again...at least,for a moment,anyway.

-Sarah M.

Sarah Here! :D

...It was much better an environment than I had expected it to be! Everyone was so nice to me,and so sweet and helpful! I was actually taken aback by the caring vibe..but,in a good way. :D
I made some tips,too.Yay,me.
-Sarah M.